A Matter of Life and Smeath Pt 2
by Bendatron
Summary: Continuing on from A Matter of Life and Smeath PT. 1, Bender must travel to Robot Hell to deliver Amy from the grip of that Evil Metal Man-The Robot Devil.


A Matter of Life and Smeath Pt. 2

(Story starts at the Milky Way Galaxy.)

**Bender** (narration): Last time on Futurama, a really terrible thing happened to one of the meatbags...Watch this jerks!

(The scene cuts to a montage of what happened in _A Matter of Life and Smeath Pt. 1_.)

**Professor**: Good news everyone, you're all invited to test out an experiment!

**Bender** (to the Professor): But isn't that just some other useless junk with no real purpose that also doesn't affect me, Bender?

**Fry** (shouting, to Bender): Bender, don't let go!

**Bender** (to Fry): I don't have anything better to do!

**Robot Devil** (overly excited): Bender...About to die? Is this my heaven?

**Professor** (angrily, at Bender): You wanged my machine!

**Bender** (to the Professor): Big whoop! At least I survived.

**Amy** (gladly): And that's a good thing.

**Robot Devil** (angrily): "If you want something done right (puts on a hood that makes him look like Death) pose as Death!"

**Hermes** (pointing at the Robot Devil, shocked): (Gasp) Sweet Moa of Samoa!

**Bender** (depressed, to Fry): I don't know. I just feel like Death's staring me straight in the face!

**Preacherbot**: In other words; you're doomed, DOOMED, DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

**Zoidberg** (creepily, waving his claws about): Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo p!

**Amy** (shocked, to Bender): (Gasp) Look out! Forget everything I just said, we have something sinister on our hands!

**Bender** (to Amy): Also creepy!

**Robot Devil**: A trap! Clever (kicks Fry off his feet) But not clever enough!

**Fry** (seriously, to the Robot Devil): I only know one robot that talks and sounds like that, and his name's not Grim Reaperoid!

**Robot Devil** (angrily, to Bender): No-no, you can't just outsmart me!

**Bender** (to the Robot Devil): Watch me! (Singing) _I outsmarted the devil!_

_I outsmarted the devil!_

**Robot Devil** (angrily): No one outsmarts the devil... (To Amy) Are you Bender's girlfriend?

**Amy** (to the Robot Devil): Well, technically ex.

**Robot Devil**: Close enough!

**Robot Devil**: It appears that my seemingly-ironic plan is one-quarter complete! (Laughs evilly) And now, to see what happens next!

Shortened Opening Sequence plays

Caption: Will be continued...

Act One: "Bender's going nuts with grief..."

(Act starts at the Planet Express conference room. Lots of yellow and black tape is taped all around the room. Smitty and URL are standing guard at the door. Kif is at the conference table sobbing his eyes out. Leela and Fry are comforting him. Bender and Hermes are standing near the door. Bender is looking depressed.)

**Hermes** (shocked): Great devil of Devoll, Amy's been kidnapped!

**Leela** (to Kif): There there, it wasn't your fault.

**Kif** (weeping, to Leela): I know, but I can't get over it!

(Chief O'Mannahan enters.)

**Chief O'Mannahan** (to Kif): Don't worry Squishy, we'll find her!

**Fry**: But who would want to kidnap Amy?

**Chief O'Mannahan** (to Fry): Oh, lots of reasons, Hot Shot. She's got billionaire trust fund money. Whatever it is, it's certain that whoever did the old nappin' was a human.

**Preacherbot** (off-screen): This was noooooooooooooo human!

(Preacherbot enters. Everyone looks at him.)

**Preacherbot** (rhetorically): Does a human have the ability to go from one place to the next as he pleases?

(Fry almost raises his hand but Leela slaps him slightly in the hand to tell him that the question is rhetorical. Preacherbot goes up to O'Mannahan and grabs her on the collar.)

**Preacherbot** (to O'Mannahan): Or the key to command the fires from hell!

(Preacherbot lets go and wonders towards the table.)

**Preacherbot** (dramatically): By refusing the Robot Devil, thinking you can outsmart death, you've brought a teeeeeeeeeeerrible curse upoooooooooon us all!

(Dramatic church organ plays)

(Smitty and URL look around to see the source of the church organ music.)

**Smitty** (to Zoidberg): Hey Crabby, stop putting claw-prints on the evidence!

(It turns out that Zoidberg was playing the church organ. He stops playing.)

**Zoidberg** (to Smitty): Sorry, just trying to set the mood again.

**Smitty** (quietly): They're all mental round here!

(Preacherbot moves to the centre of the room.)

(Scary music plays)

**Preacherbot** (dramatically): And to puuuuuuuuunish us, the lord has seeeeeeent a monster to take us to a world of teeeeeeeeeror! Beware; beware, unless you wish to come face-to-face with...

(Dramatic pause)

**Preacherbot** (continuing, dramatically): the ROOOOOOOOOBOT DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!

(Even scarier music plays)

(Everyone in the room (except for Leela) recoils in fear.)

**Hermes** (scared): What are we going to do?

**Zoidberg** (scared): We're submerged yabbies!

**Fry** (scared): Aggghh! Physically, I'm too young to die!

(The Professor enters the room.)

**Professor**: What's going on here?

(Leela sighs and gets out a ray gun and shoots the roof to get everyone's attention. Everyone looks at Leela and the Professor.)

**Professor** (angrily): Now, I don't recall seeing any of you ever in my entire life, and frankly I don't even know why you're here. (To Leela) What are they doing here?

(Leela whispers something into the Professor's ear.)

**Professor** (shouting): What? (Normal, to Leela) Oh wait; I remember what you said... (Angrily) Now I'm really angry! It's obvious that whatever took Amy was not some "supernatural" being, just another everyday thing.

**Fry** (to the Professor): But Professor, we've seen the Robot Devil lots of times before.

**Professor** (to Fry): Since when?

(Fry thinks for a few seconds.)

**Fry** (to the Professor): Lots of times!

(The Professor frowns.)

**Professor**: Alright alright, you all just get out.

(Preacherbot, Chief O'Mannahan, Smitty and URL exit.)

**Bender** (surprisingly depressed): So it's technically my fault!

**Hermes** (to Bender): What's happened to you mon? You weren't so mournful that time the ship nearly got blasted by the rogue killbots!

**Bender** (depressed): Leave me alone!

(Sad music plays)

(Bender leaves the room weeping. The others look confused.)

**Leela**: Now that made no sense!

(The scene cuts to Fry and Bender's apartment at dusk. Bender is sitting on the couch crying. Fry enters.)

**Fry** (to Bender): Hey Bender, why are you crying?

**Bender** (covering up the truth, to Fry): No, I'm not (sniffs) crying!

**Fry** (to Bender): It's Amy, isn't it?

**Bender** (covering the truth, to Fry): No it's...

(Bender bursts into tears.)

**Fry**: Now this is strange, first he's depressed, now he's even more depressed! I have to do something!

(The scene cuts to the Planet Express building next day.)

**Fry** (off-screen): Bender's going nuts with grief...Can you help me Gillian Anderson's head?

(In the conference room, Fry is standing next to the table and Gillian Anderson's head is on the table.)

**Gillian Anderson's head** (to Fry): I'm not sure what I can do. What exactly took this co-worker you call Amy?

**Fry** (to Gillian Anderson): He's called the Robot Devil. I swapped hands with him once!

(Gillian Anderson frowns.)

**Gillian Anderson's head** (to Fry): Look, it may be too...ridiculous for me to handle.

**Fry** (to Gillian Anderson): But I've seen you on _X-Files_! It's my second favourite show!

**Gillian Anderson's head** (to Fry): What's your first?

**Fry** (to Gillian Anderson): _Star Trek_. The point is, I've encountered more things than you'll ever expect!

(Zoidberg runs up to them with a flamethrower.)

**Zoidberg** (over-excited): Friends friends, I found a flamethrower!

**Gillian Anderson's head** (to Fry): What is this grotesque thing?

**Zoidberg** (to Gillian Anderson): I'm Doctor Zoidberg, that's who!

**Fry** (shouting): We have to do something!

**Zoidberg** (to Fry): Don't get so shouty!

**Gillian Anderson's head** (to Zoidberg): Is that even a word?

**Fry** (to Gillian Anderson): I don't know, but what I do know is that it doesn't matter! What does matter is the fact that we have to get Bender back to normal...

(An explosion is heard. The Professor shoots through the wall screaming.)

**Professor** (screaming): Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooo... (slams into the other wall) Oo!

(The Professor stands up and dusts himself off.)

**Professor** (dusting himself off): Bad news nobody, my doomsday-device went into overdrive! The radiation is intense, and I think a dose of plutonium has leaked!

(Fry frowns.)

**Fry**: ...Again...I guess.

Act Two: "Hello Leela, this is the kidnapper!"

(The act starts at the Planet Express building. In the TV room, Bender is watching _All My Circuits_.)

**Narrator** (on TV): Previously on _All My Circuits_...

(The TV shows Monique and Boxy making out in a restaurant. A waiter walks up to the table.)

**Waiter** (on TV): What will be your order...

(The scene on the TV pans up and reveals that the waiter is Calculon wearing a waiter outfit.)

**Calculon** (on TV, angrily):...WIDOW!

(Monique and BOXY realise that it is Calculon.)

**Monique** (on TV, shocked): Hah, Calculon!

(Boxy beeps dramatically.)

**Monique** (on TV, to Calculon): But you're...I thought...

**Calculon** (on TV, angrily, to Monique): Zuban...Ring any bells!?

(Dramatic sting on TV)

**Bender** (depressed): Yeah yeah, as usual...Calculon catches the adulterers off guard.

(Bender raises a beer bottle and is about to drink it but lowers it.)

**Bender** (depressed): Nah, I don't feel like drinking.

(Zoidberg enters.)

**Zoidberg** (to Bender): Hey Robet!

**Bender** (depressed, to Zoidberg): Hey Doctor Zoidberg.

(Zoidberg is about to flinch but realises that he said Zoidberg not Jerkberg.)

**Zoidberg** (to Bender): Wait, Zoidberg not Jerkberg...Wait again, can I sit on the couch without you hitting me in my toucus?

**Bender** (depressed, to Zoidberg): I don't care!

**Zoidberg** (excited): Ok!

(Zoidberg jumps onto the couch.)

**Zoidberg** (to Bender): Hey, why aren't you drinking?

**Bender** (depressed, to Zoidberg): I don't feel like it!

**Zoidberg** (to Bender): But doesn't it like...keep you from turning into a crazed rusty guy?

(Bender stuffs the beer bottle into Zoidberg's mouth.)

**Bender** (depressed, to Zoidberg): You have it!

**Zoidberg** (bottle in mouth, to Bender): I don't think...

**Bender** (depressed, practically shouting, to Zoidberg): TAKE IT!

**Zoidberg** (bottle in mouth, to Bender): Ok.

(Zoidberg drinks the beer and spits the bottle out.)

**Zoidberg** (drunk): Blob blob blob blob blob...Woop...woop...woop...woop...

(Zoidberg passes out. The scene cuts to the Planet Express building next morning. In the conference room, Fry, Leela, Zoidberg, and the Professor are sitting at the conference table. Hermes is standing next to a large chart.)

**Hermes** (pointing to the chart): And in short, we can increases efficiency by abolishing holidays...

**Leela** (whispering, to Fry): Where's Bender?

**Fry** (whispering, to Leela) I don't know. He was gone when I woke up.

(The door bursts open. Bender (all blind-stinking-sober) walks in, nearly falling down in the process. He slams down on the table.)

**Bender** (sobered): Grahhhhhhhhhhhh...Hey why's everyone shouting?

**Fry** (exclaiming, to Bender): Bender, you're blind-stinkin'-sober!

**Bender** (sober): No...I feel (coughs out a lot of transmission fluid)...fine!

**Leela** (to Bender): Look at that rust! Bender, have you been not drinking?

**Bender** (sober): Yeah...so?

**Professor** (to Bender): Bender, alcohol fuels your...

**Bender** (sober, to the Professor): Yeah...I know that...crap!

**Fry** (to Bender): Bender, have some ale or at least a malt. If not for you, then for us!

**Bender** (sober): Who says?

**Zoidberg** (to Bender): It's for the best, Robet.

**Fry** (to Bender): It's Amy, isn't it?

**Bender** (sober, to Fry): No...How absurd!

**Fry** (to Bender): You feel responsible for her kidnapping?

**Bender** (sober, to Fry): I don't care about any... (Bursts into tears and hugs Fry) I admit, I admit!

**Fry**: Man, this looks wrong

**Bender** (sober, to Fry): I miss her, I miss her!

**Hermes** (to Bender): What HAS happened to you mon? You don't ever say that!

**Bender** (sober): Oh yeah...Who cares...

**Fry** (to himself): I've gotta' stop this!

(The scene cuts to the Smelloscope room. Bender is lying on a psychiatrist couch.)

**Bender** (to someone off-screen): So basically, me being a robot I should think all human life is expendable, but I can't help to feel bad about it! Can you help me?

(The scene pans out, revealing that he's talking to Nibbler (who is licking his own crotch))

**Bender** (getting angry, to Nibbler): Hello, I'm talking to you, you know!

(Nibbler temporally stops licking.)

**Nibbler** (to Bender): Are you talking to me?

**Bender** (angrily, to Nibbler): Well, there's no other Nibblonian in this room, so I must be talking to you!

(Nibbler shrugs his shoulders and continues licking.)

**Bender** (angrily): (Growls) I know I should've barbecued you when I got the chance!

(Bender grabs a Blurnsball bat and is about to smash it on Nibbler.)

**Fry** (off-screen): Hey Bender!

(Bender's head turns around and sees Fry in the doorway. Bender turns around and throws the bat away, which hits Zoidberg off-screen.

**Zoidberg** (off-screen): Ow!

(Bender walks up to Fry. Fry is holding something behind his own back and is smiling.)

**Bender** (to Fry): Yeah yeah, you've got my attention, so just say something!

**Fry** (to Bender): I got something for you!

(Bender's eyes widen and he cracks his knuckles.)

**Bender** (excited): Oohohoho!

(Fry gets the thing behind his back out and reveals it to be _Playbot_.)

**Fry** (to Bender): It's the latest addition of _Playbot_!

(Bender bursts into tears.)

**Fry** (to Bender): Oh c'mon, how can that remind you of Amy?

**Bender** (depressed, to Fry): One time, I took some pictures of her face, (sniffs) put them on pictures of disturbingly sexualised female robots, (sniffs) and used them as blackmail! I mean extortion!

(Bender bursts into tears.)

**Fry** (to himself): Now he really needs help!

(The scene cuts to the ship bay. Fry is talking to Hermes and Nibbler. All three characters are holding mugs.)

**Fry**: So now, Bender's gone nuts with grief, because he feels like it's his fault that Amy has been kidnapped!

**Hermes** (to Fry): But isn't it his fault?

**Fry**: Of course it is! But he's my best friend! But what did you expect me to say, "Bender, feel bad 'cause it's your entire fault!" or "Bender, Amy's life's in danger because you tried to save yourself!"

**Nibbler** (to Fry): I admit, you do have a point!

**Fry**: But what am I supposed to do? Bender's completely out of character when he's depressed!

**Hermes** (to Fry): A mon can...

**Fry**: Hold that thought, perhaps there's another way! We save Amy, Bender won't feel so depressed!

**Hermes** (to Fry): But Fry mon, we don't even know where Amy is!

**Nibbler**: Now that's a big point!

(The scene cuts to the conference room. Leela is pacing up and down. The phone suddenly rings. Leela runs over to it and picks it up.)

**Leela** (into the phone): Hello, this is Planet Express. I'm afraid, for some reason, we're not bringing in any deliveries to...

(The scene splits. The left side is Leela and the right side is the Robot Devil.)

**Robot Devil** (in a Darth Vader style voice, into the phone): Hello Leela, this is the kidnapper!

(Leela frowns.)

**Leela** (into the phone): It's the Robot Devil, isn't it?

**Robot Devil** (normal voice, into the phone): What gave me away?

(Leela sighs.)

**Leela** (into the phone): Look, I just know. What do you want?

**Robot Devil** (into the phone): I want the robot you call Bender Bending Rodriguez! Or, by midnight tonight, the human you call Amy Wong will spend eternity in robot hell!

(The Robot Devil laughs his head off evilly.)

**Leela** (into the phone): I'm okay with it!

(The Robot Devil stops laughing.)

**Robot Devil** (shocked, into the phone): WHAT!?

**Leela** (into the phone): I said that I'm okay with it!

**Robot Devil** (into the phone): But-but-but-but, isn't she your co-worker?

**Leela** (into the phone): Exactly, **co-worker**, not inner-circle friend!

(The Robot Devil frowns.)

**Robot Devil** (angrily, into the phone): Oh c'mon, give a guy a break, I went to all the trouble of finding someone to be used as a ransom!

**Leela** (into the phone): Oh yeah, like what?

(Short silence)

**Robot Devil** (into the phone): Well for starters, I did have to put that trapdoor in the conference room!

(Zoidberg is walking in the background of Leela's split.)

**Leela** (into the phone): What trapdoor?

(Zoidberg falls down the hidden trapdoor.)

**Zoidberg** (falling down the trapdoor): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... (Lands at the bottom) I'm o-kay!

**Robot Devil** (into the phone): Well anyway, you've got until midnight tonight, after that I'll just keep her in hell for all eternity!

**Leela** (into the phone): Being the captain, I'll hold a vote.

(Leela hangs up. The Leela split retracts.)

**Robot Devil** (to himself): What a god-awful world we live in!

(The Robot Devil's eyes begin to wander. They stop and look at the audience. The pupils grow smaller and the eyes turn red.)

**Robot Devil** (threatening, to the audience): What are you looking at!

(The scene cuts to the Planet Express conference room. Fry, Leela, Bender, Zoidberg, Hermes, Gillian Anderson's head, the Professor, Nibbler, and Scruffy are sitting at the table.)

**Leela**: Ok, now that we're here, we can begin the vote.

**Gillian Anderson's head**: Who the hell is that guy?

**Scruffy** (to Gillian Anderson): I'm Scruffy...the janitor.

**Leela**: Ok, with that aside, let's confirm the votes, all in favour of allowing a rescue mission of Amy?

(Fry, Bender, Zoidberg, Hermes, the Professor, and Nibbler raise their hands.)

**Leela**: All opposed?

(Leela and Scruffy raise their hands.)

**Gillian Anderson's head**: The ayes have it!

**Leela** (disappointed): Oh lord!

**Fry** (to Leela): Leela, we have to bring Amy back! Otherwise, Bender will never go back to his original don't-give-a-girder self!

(Doctor Perceptron and Nurse Ratchet enter.)

**Doctor Perceptron**: We are looking for Bender.

**Bender** (standing up): Oh-oh! Someone cover for me... (Realises that he just revealed that he's Bender) Oh crap!

**Nurse Ratchet** (to Bender): Come along! Don't make this worse than it actually is!

**Bender** (to the doctors): No! You'll never catch me functioning, Doctor Frankenstoid!

**Doctor Perceptron** (to Bender): But we had got a call from someone that you had gone insane!

(Leela whistles innocently.)

**Bender** (sarcastically): I wonder who that was!

**Fry** (to Perceptron): Well, we'll deal with it, once we find Amy!

**Gillian Anderson's head**: Ok, then we will need a group for this rescue operation!

**Professor**: This is a dangerous mission, probably someone will get killed! Fry, Leela, Bender, you'll go on this extremely dangerous suicide mission!

(The scene cuts to robot hell. The robot demons are pushing Amy (who's wearing a blindfold) around and are cackling evilly. They push her in front of the Robot Devil and remove the blindfold.)

**Robot Devil** (to Amy): Greetings, Amy...Welcome to ROBOT HELL!

**Amy** (to the Robot Devil): Spare me this splease!

**Robot Devil** (to Amy): Oh, but you don't understand, you're going to spend eternity in this godforsaken hell-hole! (To the audience) Oh this part's so BORING! Let's skip to the others!

(The Robot Devil snaps his fingers. The scene cuts to the Fry (holding Gillian Anderson's head), Leela, and Bender walking down the streets of New New York. They stop at the amusement park in New Jersey. Sal and some other construction workers are building a building around the park.)

**Fry** (to Sal): Hey mister, mind if we go in?

**Sal** (to Fry): I coulds, if I wasn't so lazies!

**Fry** (to Sal): You don'ts look that lazy to me!

**Sal** (to Fry): Oh, don'ts get me starteds!

**Leela** (to Sal): Hang on, if you were really that lazy, you wouldn't bother to keep us out!

**Sal**: Well in that case, sures! Help yourselves ins!

(Fry (holding Gillian Anderson's head), Leela, and Bender walk in. They walk into _The Inferno_.)

**Fry** (to Gillian Anderson): They locked this place up after all those people caught salmonella from the flume ride!

(They walk to the mirror and Leela presses the Robotology symbol button. The mirror opens off-screen. Gillian Anderson's head gasps.)

**Gillian Anderson's head** (shocked): Great Nikolai's cousin Basil's ghost, robot hell is real!

**Fry** (to Gillian Anderson): I told ya', but ya' didn't believe me!

**Leela**: Hang on! We have to be careful, what if we end up on that god-awful slide ag...

(The trap door opens and all of them fall in and go on the slide. The scene cuts to the Robot Devil and Amy.)

**Robot Devil** (to Amy): We know all your sins, and for each of them...

**Amy** (to the Robot Devil): Wait, I'm technically innocent!

**Robot Devil** (to Amy): You think just because I'm the ROBOT DEVIL it means I cannot see human sins? You're technically as guilty as Bender! How many people have you not slept with?

**Amy** (to the Robot Devil): Well technically, it's not my fault, it's my paren...

**Robot Devil** (to Amy): SILENCE! As I was saying, we know all your sins, and for each of them we have made a sequence of ironic, and somewhat funny, tortures in the style of a song! Gentlemen...

(The robot demon band starts playing.)

(_Robot Hell song_ plays)

(Amy shrugs her shoulders, grabs a robot demon, and is about to make out with it, but suddenly the Robot Devil grabs the demon by the tail and pulls it away. Amy gasps. Two robot demons throw the Robot Devil's hat and cane to him.)

**Robot Devil** (singing): _Sluts are evil! You won't listen! We'll find was of stimulating that sense!_

(The robot demons roll Amy up in a large sheet of paper that says "_Cheap French Harlot_".)

**Robot Devil** (singing): _Such a sorry girla! Rolled up and smokin' like a temptresschella!_

(A robot demon woof-whistles.)

**Robot Devil** (singing): _Here on level-one of robot hell!_

(The Robot Devil pulls the paper off and Amy is thrown onto level-two. She stands up and sees a table with calendars and a pencil. She grabs a pencil and is about to fill in on the calendar but the Robot Devil grabs her wrist.)

**Robot Devil** (singing): _Date planning is wrong, it so is cheating! _(Slams a book in front of her titled _Modesty for Bimbos_)_ Perhaps you should learn to be more vows virginity!_

(The scene cuts to a lot of exotic fembots. They move and reveal Amy strapped to a wheel.)

**Robot Devil** (singing): _Now let's let lady-luck decide what tortures justified_ (spins the wheel) _are fit for see on _(wave's hat) _level twoooooooooooooooooooooo!_

(The wheel lands on dice.)

**Robot Devil** (excited); Ooh, diced bimbo!

(Two robot demons grab Amy and strap her to a board which slides in and out of a giant knife.)

**Amy** (singing): _Just tell me why!_

**Robot Devil** (singing): _Just read this ninety-nine page warrant!_

**Amy** (singing): _There must be hookers worst than I!_

**Robot Devil** (singing): _We checked around, there really aren't!_

(Amy is flung out of the strap and into a corner.)

**Amy** (singing): _Just let me explain, my flings were merely petty!_

**Robot Devil** (singing): _You slept with boys, priests, and Brannigan!_

(Amy frowns and crosses her arms.)

**Amy** (singing): _Oh, don't blame me, blame my uptight parents!_

**Robot Devil** (singing): _Please stop singing while I'm singing!_

(The Robot Devil kicks into the rickety elevator. The scene cuts to the others sliding down the slide.)

**Fry** (singing): _I just can't stand this!_

**Bender** (singing): _We just have to bring her back!_

**Fry** (singing): _Maybe she belongs in hell!_

**Bender** (singing): _As if, she's obsolete!_

**Fry** (singing): _Maybe she's staying at Mars motel!_

**Bender** (singing): _C'mon Fry, quit being ducky! Perhaps even one of us shall be spared!_

**Leela** (singing): _Until then, sit back and enjoy the ride!_

**Fry** (singing): _I always get blisters from this slide!_

(The scene cuts to the rickety elevator. The Robot Devil and Amy are in it.)

**Robot Devil** (singing): (Gets out a diamond) _Working for diamonds, _(gets out a rooster) _and cockerels, _(rooster clucks) _and appearing in_ (gets out a magazine with a picture of Amy wearing skimpy clothing) _indecent magazines..._

(The elevator stops and the Robot Devil kicks Amy.)

**Robot Devil** (singing): _You'll pay for every crime; _(Amy lands in electric slim) _sizzling in electric slim! You'll suffer til the end of time! Enduring tortures most of which rhyme!_

(The scene pans out.)

**Robot Devil** (singing): _Trapped forever here in robot hell!_

(The Robot Devil throws his hat and fire-flumes blow up.)

Act Three: "Because I'm your father!"

(Act starts in robot hell where act two left off.)

**Robot Devil** (to Amy): Of course, that's just for starters!

**Amy** (to the Robot Devil): Smeah, I get it!

**Robot Devil** (to Amy): Why do you say "trendy" words anyway? Trendy is out of season!

(Bender is thrown from the end of the slide.)

**Bender** (landing): Ow!

**Robot Devil** (satisfied): Ah, at last I've got you!

**Bender** (to the Robot Devil): Of course not, why would I simply give myself up?

(A robot demon raises his hand.)

**Robot Devil** (to the robot demon): It's rhetorical...I think!

(Bender thinks for a minute.)

**Bender** (gets it): Oh yeah, I remember what to do!

(Bender gets the gun he used in _Bender's Big Score_ out of his cabinet and points it at the Robot Devil.)

**Bender** (pointing the gun at and to the Robot Devil): Hasta la vista, Satan!

**Robot Devil** (to Bender): Oh, you really think I, the Robot Devil, could be so easily frightened by a little gun?

(Bender raises his hand.)

**Robot Devil** (to Bender): Don't bother asking, it's rhetorical! The answer is no! And I think you just checked in!

**Bender** (to the Robot Devil): Oh! Well, I'll be leaving now with the meatbag and we'll be...

**Robot Devil** (to Bender): Well, that's the thing, you check in but you don't check out...EVER!

(A clicking noise is heard from behind the Robot Devil. He turns around and sees Leela holding a gun.)

**Leela** (to the Robot Devil): Hands up, Beezlebot!

**Robot Devil** (to Leela): I don't think so!

(Another clicking noise is heard. The Robot Devil turns around again and sees Fry holding a gun at him.)

**Fry** (to the Robot Devil): Stick 'em up!

**Robot Devil** (angrily): Oh great, you just had to bring that delinquent, Fry, along with you too!

**Fry** (to the Robot Devil): What? Have you got anything against me?

**Robot Devil** (angrily, to Fry): Why not? Every time I look at my hands, it reminds me of how I swapped hands with a slag!

**Fry** (to the Robot Devil): Who was that slag?

**Robot Devil** (angrily, to Fry): YOU! How'd did you think? (Normal) Anyways, you have no hope of winning!

**Fry** (to the Robot Devil): Why?

**Robot Devil**: Because, how'd you expect to win whilst wielding plastic toy guns!

**Leela**: What?

(Leela pulls the trigger.)

**Leela** (angrily, to Bender): Bender, I told you to pack real guns!

**Bender** (to Leela): It's not my fault, do you really expect there to guns just lying around the place?

**Robot Devil**: Anyway, you're doomed, I've won, and you'll never escape hell!

(The Robot Devil laughs his head off evilly.)

**Narrator**: So what will happen next time? Will Bender escape? Will the Robot Devil be beaten? Will...oh, blah blah blah blah blah!

**Robot Devil** (angrily): Oh c'mon, you can't just keep this going for...for three episodes! It's absurd! I-I don't wanna' do it!

**Leela**: He does have a point actually! I really don't want to go through three episodes with the same plot!

**Bender**: And this is my entire plan!

**Fry, Leela, Amy, and Gillian Anderson's head** (shocked): What?

**Bender**: Whilst you were chatting with him, I did a little bit of tipping with the gun salesman!

(Bender throws two guns at Leela and Fry. Leela shoots at the Robot Devil. He is knocked down and screams like a little girl.)

**Fry** (over excited): Ha, not so boastful now!

**Leela** (to Fry): Maybe, but he's survived even worse situations! We better move!

(Bender unties Amy and she starts making out with him for no reason.)

**Leela** (to Fry): Well, I'm not surprised about how she repays her rescuer!

(The Robot Devil stands up, dusts himself off, and sees the others.)

**Robot Devil** (pointing at the crew, angrily): After them!

(Millions of robot demons and butterfly robots attack them. Fry picks up Gillian Anderson's head and they run off, getting chased by the Robot Devil's minions.)

**Robot Devil** (angrily): Stop them! They cheated!

(The scene cuts to seeing the characters run through a telescope lens. The Professor is looking through the telescope.)

**Professor**: Oh-no! I have to do something! (Looks at himself) But, I am already in my pyjamas!

(The Professor falls asleep.)

(Chase music plays)

(The scene cuts back to the characters running in robot hell. The Robot Devil is on a hover-chariot being pulled demonic-looking robot horses. He occasionally whips them with his tail.)

**Robot Devil**: You can hide, but you can't run! (Laughs his head off evilly) Wait, I got it all wrong! Damn it!

(The Robot Devil blows a trumpet and continues to whip the horses.)

**Fry**: Talk about all hell breaking lose!

(The Robot Devil blows the trumpet and continues to whip the horses. The characters jump into a hole. The robot devil stops, grabs Bender's gun, jumps off, and sneaks up to the hole.)

**Robot Devil** (to the audience): Shhh, be vewy, vewy quiet! I'm hunting idiots (laughs like Elma Fudd)! Yes, a lot of robots that are sent here have _Loony Toons_ collections!

**Bender** (off-screen, shouting, to the Robot Devil): Quit breaking the 4# wall already!

**Robot Devil** (angrily, shouting, at Bender): I'm the Devil, I can do whatever I want!

(The Robot Devil jumps into the hole and holds the gun at the characters.)

**Robot Devil**: Hasta la vista, basterds!

**Narrator**: So what will happen next time? Will they escape from the Robot Devil's grip? Will they...

**Robot Devil** (angrily): Oh c'mon! I've had enough of this! What did I say? I will not do a three-parter!

**Leela** (bored): (Yawns) This is getting too boring! It's just absurd! It's also getting old! And most of all...

**Bender**: Part o' my backup plan!

**Fry, Leela, Amy, and Gillian Anderson's head** (shocked): WHAT?

**Bender**: (Call-whistles) Zoidberg!

(Zoidberg runs up from nowhere.)

**Zoidberg**: Yes?

**Bender** (to Zoidberg): That guy has lots of food, and he won't share it!

**Zoidberg** (angrily): WHAT, (frill goes up) prepare to DIEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Zoidberg runs at the Robot Devil screaming. He cuts the Robot Devil's arms off and the Robot Devil screams like a little girl. Bender walks up to the Robot Devil laughing.)

**Bender** (to the Robot Devil): Ha ha ha, guess what... (singing) _I outsmarted the devil! I outsmarted..._

**Robot Devil** (shouting angrily): NO ONE OUTSMARTS THE DEVIL!

(The Robot Devil sprouts arms out of the sockets and punches Bender.)

**Robot Devil** (to Bender): Now, for death...by magnetism!

(The Robot Devil grabs a magnet ray-gun sort of weapon.)

**Bender** (to the Robot Devil): No, not the magnet! Anything but the...

(The Robot Devil turns on the weapon and shoots it at Bender.)

**Bender** (getting magnetised): _Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Parsley, sage..._

(Fry picks up Bender's gun and holds it to the Robot Devil.)

**Fry** (seriously, to the Robot Devil): Let go of my friend, you...you inferno-freak!

**Robot Devil** (to Fry): So you really want to insult me then kill me? I know you don't got the ball-bearings!

**Fry** (seriously, to the Robot Devil): I've got the touch!

**Robot Devil** (to Fry): We're not in songs!

**Fry** (seriously, to the Robot Devil): Enough talk; let's get to the violent showdown-thing!

(The Robot Devil laughs evilly.)

**Fry** (to the Robot Devil): Wait, that wasn't funny!

**Robot Devil** (to Fry): Oh, it's funny alright, boy! It's very funny! You know why? You can't kill me, boy!

**Fry** (to the Robot Devil): Why?

**Robot Devil** (to Fry): Because I'm your father!

**Fry** (shocked): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO...

(Leela sighs.)

**Fry** (shocked): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO...Wait, my dad was a military wanna' be!

(The Robot Devil thinks for a few minutes.)

**Robot Devil**: Um... (to Fry) I meant...I'm your uncle!

**Fry** (shocked): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO...

(The Robot Devil giggles evilly. Bender's arms extend and grabs his gun and shoots a shot at the Robot Devil, but it misses and hits a robot demon. The robot demon screams violently as he disintegrates.)

**Robot Devil** (to Bender): You're all idiots! You'll never escape, plus, this place is where I rehearse my band!

(Robot Hell song music plays)

(The robot demons start to play instruments. The Robot Devil starts to dance whilst wearing his hat and cane.)

**Robot Devil** (singing): _Cigars are evil! You won't listen..._

**Bender** (violently): NO!

(Bender grabs a lightsabre out of his cabinet, turns it on, and throws it at the Robot Devil. It hits the Robot Devil's chest. The Robot Devil screams like a little girl. The characters run off. Zoidberg runs after them.)

**Zoidberg** (running after them): Wait for me! Woop woop woop woop!

(The characters run out to the exit.)

**Robot Devil** (complaining, to the robot demons): Oh, they just hit and run me!

(The robot demons look at each other.)

**Robot Devil** (complaining, to the robot demons): But you don't understand! It was horrible!

(The robot demons walk away. One of them grabs a cell phone, picks up a pizza menu, and walks off. The scene cuts to the outside of the Inferno. The characters emerge. Doctor Perceptron and Nurse Ratchet are standing on the outside.)

**Doctor Perceptron** (to Bender): Ah, Bender, finally come to...

**Bender** (to Doctor Perceptron): No way! It should be known that Bender don't give himself up!

**Doctor Perceptron** (to Bender): Sure, but we robotic physicians consider robosexuality a permanent mental problem! That probably was the reason for the grief!

**Bender** (to Doctor Perceptron): I'll tell the true story!

(The scene cuts to flashbacks of what Bender is talking about

**Bender** (narrating): You see, the Robot Devil had enough of waiting for me to die, and he would literally stop at nothing to bring me down! So he decided to go to the trouble of holding ransom, the reason he didn't pick Fry was because of the hand incident, strangely enough that involved robosexuality! Instead, he chose a lover. Since I did not have a current lover, he chose a former one...Amy! He only needed me to feel guilty enough! If that didn't work, he would threaten to Amy's loved ones to harm her if they didn't hand me over! Either way, it would enable him to get me!

(The scene cuts back to the outside of the Inferno.)

**Doctor Perceptron** (to Bender): So logically, it was your robosexual desires that caused the entire hullabaloo in the first place!

**Amy** (to Doctor Perceptron): With respect, doctor, it was his robosexual desires that forced him to save me!

(Short silence)

**Doctor Perceptron** (to Bender and Amy): You two deserve each other!

(Doctor Perceptron and Nurse Ratchet walk off. Amy and Bender look at each other.)

**Amy and Bender** (to each other): Neagh!

(Amy and Bender walk off in different directions.)

(The end)


End file.
